Well, I'm late again. Adam is out of town on business, and at times I feel like I'm doing everything I can just to keep the wheels turning. Tonight Collin had biked approximately 6 blocks when he decided to start dipping around...we were away from the house at least an hour. We didn't get back until after 7...and we still needed to eat and take baths. I finally had Collin ready for bed by 9:15. WHOOPS.
So...week 3 of ACIM...this material is very intriguing. Now that I'm forced to be more aware of my thoughts I'm realizing that I am hardly ever in the present. In fact, I would argue that I am completely preoccupied with the future...more than the past. Lesson 8 proceeded as follows:
I seem to be thinking about
*what I need to do tomorrow to get ready for the boys-set up pack and play, maybe pick up a few toys
*I'm irritated by Collin's whining
*that I have so many questions I want to ask Ruth about acupuncture
*that I want to be a good Mom to Collin
*that I wonder what Collin will be
*that I have so many things to do
I had my last acupuncture session on that day...and I attempted to be completely present in the moment. I couldn't help but think that so many times in life we actually try to take our minds to "the happy place"...to get through pain, etc. During the acupuncture session I was scared to be completely in the moment...fearing the pain I might feel from the needles. Similar to childbirth...I was so afraid to be in the moment that I kept trying to jump into the future. I'm beginning to realize that I'm missing my present. My future is filled with expectations of the future moment...but never memories of the past. This is pretty circular...but a good realization.
I've also been perplexed with the role of photographs...it seems like they are a function of the problem...or at least they don't seem to help me be in the present. The same with music and most of the things in my house. I, too, am someone who hangs onto things because they 'mean' something to me...which means I have given them false meaning and therefore, they can't be what they are truly meant to be. My sincere hope is that this course is able to help me adjust my thinking...not just make me more aware of the problem.
I'm having a lot of difficulty with the idea that I'm in competition with God. I don't know what this means...but I find it interesting that last week I wrote that I feel like I'm somehow in competition with Adam. Maybe by figuring out this spirituality piece, my relationships will no longer be broken.
I'm also experiencing some strain with the fact that anything that God does not create is not real...like disasters, for instance. I apply this concept to the war...and if the war isn't real, then why are so many people dying daily? Why is there suffering?
I read to Collin from the New Testament tonight. He was intrigued with the story of Jesus walking on the water. He was particularly disturbed with the picture of Peter...who fell into the water once he realized that he was actually walking on the water. Maybe this is our path...all is possible to us...but since we don't believe, we are unable.
I think this has to be all for now. I'm curious to think what you think about this section, Ellen.
Enjoy the pictures.
LOVE YOU.
So...week 3 of ACIM...this material is very intriguing. Now that I'm forced to be more aware of my thoughts I'm realizing that I am hardly ever in the present. In fact, I would argue that I am completely preoccupied with the future...more than the past. Lesson 8 proceeded as follows:
I seem to be thinking about
*what I need to do tomorrow to get ready for the boys-set up pack and play, maybe pick up a few toys
*I'm irritated by Collin's whining
*that I have so many questions I want to ask Ruth about acupuncture
*that I want to be a good Mom to Collin
*that I wonder what Collin will be
*that I have so many things to do
I had my last acupuncture session on that day...and I attempted to be completely present in the moment. I couldn't help but think that so many times in life we actually try to take our minds to "the happy place"...to get through pain, etc. During the acupuncture session I was scared to be completely in the moment...fearing the pain I might feel from the needles. Similar to childbirth...I was so afraid to be in the moment that I kept trying to jump into the future. I'm beginning to realize that I'm missing my present. My future is filled with expectations of the future moment...but never memories of the past. This is pretty circular...but a good realization.
I've also been perplexed with the role of photographs...it seems like they are a function of the problem...or at least they don't seem to help me be in the present. The same with music and most of the things in my house. I, too, am someone who hangs onto things because they 'mean' something to me...which means I have given them false meaning and therefore, they can't be what they are truly meant to be. My sincere hope is that this course is able to help me adjust my thinking...not just make me more aware of the problem.
I'm having a lot of difficulty with the idea that I'm in competition with God. I don't know what this means...but I find it interesting that last week I wrote that I feel like I'm somehow in competition with Adam. Maybe by figuring out this spirituality piece, my relationships will no longer be broken.
I'm also experiencing some strain with the fact that anything that God does not create is not real...like disasters, for instance. I apply this concept to the war...and if the war isn't real, then why are so many people dying daily? Why is there suffering?
I read to Collin from the New Testament tonight. He was intrigued with the story of Jesus walking on the water. He was particularly disturbed with the picture of Peter...who fell into the water once he realized that he was actually walking on the water. Maybe this is our path...all is possible to us...but since we don't believe, we are unable.
I think this has to be all for now. I'm curious to think what you think about this section, Ellen.
Enjoy the pictures.
LOVE YOU.
1 comment:
aha...so this works better if i respond to what you've already written. i will do this from now on. since i just talked to you on the phone, you will notice that procrastination tactics from college have reformed themselves in grad school (ie responding to this sounded like more fun than doing my stats homework...) i jest, but that's the point, right...living in the moment and taking time for what you really want to be doing.
let's see...this week's information. honestly i'm having a hard time remembering all day what i'm supposed to be thinking about. but when i do remember, it is kind of astounding. then you accidently miss a day and try to do 2 at once and WHOA nelly is that a bad idea. balance. somehow i'm sucking at that lately.
i guess i'll just go to the days that i seem to have found something worthy of underlining...like lesson 11: my meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world, introducing the thought that our thoughts determine what we see. in lesson 12, my pen got excited again, and i underlined "you think that what upsets you is a frightening world, or a sad world, or a violent world, or an insane world. all these attributes are given it by you. the world is meaningless in itself [...] if you could accept the world as meaningless and let the truth be written upon it for you, it would make you indescribably happy. but because it is meaningless, you are impelled to write upone it what you would have it be." that got my attention...especially the 'you'll be indescribably happy' part (don't we all want that??) it's an interesting concept to me, i guess, and it's something i struggle with alot. this might not make alot of sense, but somehow it does in my head at the moment. at certain points in my life i would wake up in the morning in a blind panic about how on earth i was going to fill an entire day (think peace corps in the rainy season and days upon days of doing NOTHING but drinking tea, reading a book, and peeing.) it's kind of like that concept with assigning emotions and feelings and attributes to the world i perceive. to accept that it HAS no inherent meaning is a scary idea, and my brain rushes in to take over. 'i feel overwhelmed, so the world is unbalanced.' 'people die every day b/c they don't get enough to eat, so the world is sad.' 'breezy almost got hit by a car on her bicycle, so the world is scary.' on and on and on. another lesson elaborated on that idea, saying that if you're fearful, you will endow the world with attributes that it doesn't really have...and WHAT'S THE POINT!!! it's hard to see everything as a blank slate and say that it's ok just like that. you said (liz) that the competition with God thing didn't make sense to you, but in a way it really does to me. it's like i'm fighting God on the right to place value or feelings to the world that God created (i'm trying my best not to assign gender here!!!) i guess the point of all this is that the world i see isn't real, and that's ok. but to destroy something, you have to have something to put in its place. i really hope this thought train is leading us somewhere, and i'm confident that it is. it's like a quote from a book i read once...something like, 'you've destroyed a world for me, and i have nothing to put in its place.' random. sorry.
i liked what you said about living in the moment, and i'm going to make that my goal for this week. when we were on the phone i was trying to do like 5 different things at once, which is GREAT for multitasking, but it doesn't make for great conversation. and i'm sorry. i need to love the moment and live in the moment and not worry so much about what lies ahead. easy to say, hard to do. like most things in life....
ok, so i really do need to get back to stats now. love love.
Post a Comment